How to find romance according to the movies

Introduction

After viewing more than 1000 romantic cases I’ve learned a lot about how to find love and romance. Here I’ve attempted to put together some practical tips for all love hungries out there on how to succeed with romance*. It’s not a step-by-step guide but rather several conditions that helps you optimize your chances for romantic success. Some might point out that the cases studied for this guide is predominantly from North America (more than 90%). So, there’s a risk that all the advice in here don’t apply in other countries, like China, Brazil or Afghanistan. But you never know until you’ve tried.

Death

It’s astonishing to find that many romances have their roots in the previous demise of others. The case studies shows that a dead parent or two improves your chances significantly. It does not necessarily need to be your parents; it also works well with your love interests parents. If all involved parents have popped off to meet their maker, well, then success must be guaranteed.

But don’t despair if all parents are still alive and well. It also works with a dead former spouse. If your significant other kicks the bucket it might be perceived as something bad, but at the same time it helps you to find a new one. Specially if you have one or two kids in your baggage. (see KIDS)

Now, I don’t advice you to do away with any parents or spouses that are in the way. The deaths have always been either accidents or due to terminal diseases in all studied cases. Murder does not improve your chances (if you don’t succeed to convincingly make it appear as an accident or a terminal disease).

Kids

If your spouse dies or divorce you and leaves you with the kids you might be led to think that this will hamper your chances to find a new romance. It turns out to be quite the opposite. To be alone with kids draws new partners to you like a magnet. They will get to admire how good you are with kids and you can check how good they are with them.

I’ve also heard talk about how kids can turn hostile to new partner in your life, but it’s quite the opposite here too. Your kids do not wish for anything better than for you to find them a new replacement parent for the one they’ve lost. They can even go to extreme lengths to arrange dates and other “accidental” meetings on your behalf. And, trust them, they have a real knack to find you the right one.

When?

There’s no doubt on when the chance of finding a new romance is best. Christmas. A whopping 50% of all the case studies happens at Christmas time. The Christmas season offers a whole series of activities that improves your chances for love (see more under CHRISMAS SEASON). Not only that but during the Christmas season there’s this guy called Santa that magically turns up and helps you out in the romance department. This does not always happen but in some severe cases a little help from this Santa guy has turned out to be invaluable.

If you don’t want to wait for Christmas, there are a few other celebrations that also improves your chances. The obvious one being Valentine. Sending secret valentine gifts seems to always work. Oddly enough only if you’re a man though. In none of the cases studied does the woman send a secret valentine gift to the man. So, we can only deduct that this must be a certain failure. If it’s Valentine and you’re a man don’t be cheap on the flowers, chocolate or even jewelry.

Another celebration with romantic vibes is Halloween. The tradition of dressing up yours, or the other persons, kids in scary costumes to go out and extort candy from your neighbors opens unexpected opportunities for romance. To carve a pumpkin and supply it with a scary expression also turns out to be a very romantic activity. Be sure to take care of the inner content of the pumpkin! This is used to, in merriment, bake a pumpkin pie. Either you do it as a romantic activity, or you use the pie to impress the subject for your feelings.

But be prepared! Romance can happen at any time in any season.

Christmas season

As stated above the Christmas season stands out as the most romantic season of the year and earns it’s own headline. Maybe you thought that it might be spring, but this season is very underrepresented in all case studies. Christmas on the other hand offers a series of activities and traditions that helps you on your way to love and romance. During the weeks before Christmas there are some places and activities that are better than others to find romance. Small towns being the predominant place. Small towns throw themselves into Christmas celebrations at full speed and at maximum volume. One of the most important events here is the traditional lighting of the Christmas tree, a ceremony where the town gathers to watch the mayor invite some important person (probably you) to do a count down and then turn the switch to the electric lights. If someone invites you to come along to this ceremony, then you know that you’re on track to romance.

Walking down the main street you will find a man in a Santa costume sounding a bell. Make sure to stop by and donate some money in his collecting bawl. Give him some encouraging words and listen hard to any advice he gives. If he offers you to make a wish, then wish for true love. You never know, he might be the real deal.

Walking down the main street you should also come upon a small group of people dressed in quaint 19-centurey clothing singing Christmas carols. They walk around and spreads joy (and romance) in general. You don’t necessarily need to interact with these groups but if you don’t meet them, you should seriously consider whether you went to the wrong town.

Charity

The Christmas season is also the season of charity and with that comes the chance for romance. To engage in any form of charity offers you the chance to really get to know your object of desire. Now this is especially true if you’re in USA as they seem to lack any social security, they are heavily reliant on these charities for people to survive. Work in a soup kitchen, start a charity event or generally engage in a good cause. A popular thing to engage in during the Christmas season is the Toy Drive where the town donates toys that are then wrapped (under merriment and romance) to be given to poor kids. Try not to think of it as a sad state of affairs but concentrate on the romance.

The Christmas tree

The tree offers two romantic opportunities. First the acquiring of the tree. The Christmas tree lot, where they sell the trees, is the perfect place to meet new romance or where to bring a new love interest. To pick the right tree can be a friendly but competitive activity that brings you closer. Make sure to do some studying first so you can show off with your knowledge about different tree species and their characteristics. You can also take this one step further and bring your date out in the woods to pick a tree where it stands. In that case don’t forget to bring a saw or an axe. If you’re a man be careful here though, trying to bring a girl out alone in the woods with an axe might be perceived as something completely different than a romantic date.

The second opportunity that the Christmas tree offers is the dressing of the tree. This is a romantic activity where you can get close and inadvertently touch hands. Make sure to have a special ornament or two with a family story that you can talk about. If it was acquired by a dead parent all the better. If they bring popcorn don’t eat them! You’re supposed to string them on a thread and hang them on the tree as ornaments. Here’s also a natural chance for the woman so climb a ladder or a chair to hang an ornament and then, romantically, fall into the man’s arms (see under PHYSICAL INTERACTION).

Christmas sweets

It’s not Christmas without Christmas cookies. To bake and decorate these is a romantic activity of rank. The cookies can be made in different shapes as reindeers, snowmen, Christmas trees or gingerbread men. But even if the baking can be romantic, it is not as romantic as decorating them. Using different colors of sugar icing you can create a masterpiece that you can impress your newly found romance with. Another method is to thoroughly fail and making a mess of icing on top. This will give the other party the opportunity to lovingly show you how it’s done. In short, making Christmas cookies brings you together.

Another romantic activity is to partake in a gingerbread house competition. There seems to be one arranged everywhere. Here you can compete in a team or compete against each other, but love is guaranteed. It doesn’t have to be a competition though, just making a gingerbread house might suffice. There is also two ways to do this. Either you could go for the advanced construction creating a castle, the Statue of Liberty or the Eifel tower covered in icing and candy. The other option is to fail masterfully, creating a heap of crumbles and candy. It does not really matter which way you go, you’re on your way to love.

Drinks at Christmas

As you can read below, the drink of romantic choice is hot chocolate (see under EATING AND DRINKING). My case studies shows that if you don’t drink hot chocolate, it’s almost not Christmas. But during this season there is also a couple of other drinks that are almost as romantically important.

The first is eggnog. Preferably made from some secret family recipe handed down from your dead parent. The content besides egg yolks, sugar and dairy products are spices and a romantic activity is to identify the specific spices used in the secret recipe. Another ingredient, optional, that is not talked about but that I suspect is heavily represented in the eggnog is booze. This thick, yellowy, liquid promotes a cozy ambiance made for love.

The third drink of choice during Christmas is warm cider. Again, a sport here is to identify the spices used and again it’s preferably from an old recipe. Warm cider is very common if you frequent some sort of ski resort and could be seen as a substitute for glühwein (commonly seen in Europe’s ski resorts). Cider seems to create the perfect merriment for a new romance, maybe it has to do with the alcoholic content.

Christmas sweater

At Christmas, there are also parties and family gatherings. At these, you are supposed to wear a Christmas sweater. Often, there is even a competition for who has the most spectacular/ugliest sweater. Go all in! Impress your love interest with the most hideous example, preferably with blinking lights and a Christmas tune playing from the garment.

Weddings

Now, a wedding will in most cases be the end result of your romance. But a wedding can also be a perfect occasion to find new romance. In my studies they have found romance in conjunction with a wedding in about 10% of the cases. So, if you’re invited to a wedding seize the chance!

At the wedding it helps if you’re the bride’s maid or the best man. If you’re bestowed this honor, accept it with anticipation. The bride’s maid and the best man will be assigned different tasks before the actual wedding that they must do together. And even if you initially do not like the other person (be it the bride’s maid or the best man depending on your gender) you will soon, to your surprise, find out that they are really lovable. There’s also a small chance that you’ll be able to steal the bride or groom for you own purposes, but this requires some hard work and drama.

You don’t have to be a guest at the wedding to be successful at these events. You can also work with wedding arrangements or connected professions to find romance (see under PROFESSIONS).

Where?

Romance is a global thing and can happen anywhere. There are, however, some locations that seems to improve your chances more than others. The predominant location is small towns. If you have a hard time to find love in the big city, try to go to a small town with a tightly knit community. Leaving the bustle of a city seems to give you a new take on life and leave you open for a new romance. Specially if that small town is throwing an event, like a harvest festival, Christmas parade or a charity ball, that you can involve yourself in organizing. If you grew up in a small town all the better. To return there (after making the misstake of moving away) and find that romance was there all this time.

A holiday resorts is also a good place to find your new true love. This can be anything between a ski resort, activity camp or a tropical island. People here are friendly and probably out there to find love themselves. My case studies shows that many camp managers, tourist guides, hotel personnel and inn owners are working there in order to fall in love with you at first sight.

If everything else fails you can always move to Seattle, the romance capital of the world. If you don’t find love here immediately don’t despair. Seattle does not necessarily work its magic on site. If you do not find love in Seattle, having lived in Seattle significantly improves your chances to find romance anywhere you go.

Eating and drinking

Everybody needs to eat and drink. This can be turned into a romantic opportunity. To have a romantic dinner can be a winner, but dinners are also used to break up with your unwanted boyfriend/girlfriend in order to make room for a new romance. Lunches are more utilized to talk with your friend or parent (if one of them still is alive) about this interesting person that you’ve met or this interesting person that they want you to meet. One important rule here: Do not eat the food! It might be okey to take a bite or even two but then leave the rest on the plate. This might seem a bit perplexing, but all my case studies say that to be successful in romance you should not eat up.

An easily overlooked romantic eating opportunity is the picknick. Surprise your object of desire with a lavish picknick out in a park or in the nature. A sneaky way to do this is to prepare the spot with food and equipment in advance. It seems like, if romance is involved, animals and random strangers will leave this alone for hours, even in a city park. If it’s winter the picknick can be replaced with a fire, crackers and marshmallows. Smores ignites the flame of love better than most other edible things. If you should set your marshmallow on fire doesn’t matter, it just adds to the merriment.

If you have a sweet tooth this will help. Cookies, pastries and candy is clearly overrepresented amongst the romantic edibles. Especially when it comes to the Christmas season which is in turn overrepresented as the romantic season of choice. Read more about Christmas sweets under CHRISMAS SEASON. Under any other season than Christmas the staple commodity for sweets are muffins or cup cakes (a difference in texture only). If you decide to open a café or bakery (see under PROFESSIONS) you should consider focusing on muffins. To increase your chances for love the muffins should have toppings. A simple sugar glaze in bright colors should suffice but if you want to go all out you could go for a thick topping of cream on top of that.

When it comes to drinking you might think that some romance over a nice glass of wine would be a winner but then you’re underestimating the power of hot chocolate. It seems that nothing beats a cup of hot chocolate when it comes to romance, regardless of season. Sometimes it’s enough with just hot chocolate but to give it more power you should top it with whipped cream that you then can stick your nose in, giving the other person the chance to, endearingly, wipe it clean. Even better is to top it with marshmallows (the ones you don’t put in your smores). If you want to go all out here, you should use both and then some sprinkles on top.

What to drive

If you’re a man, it does not seem to matter what you drive. Your chance for romance seems unaffected of your choice of vehicle. If you happen to be a woman though there are a few ways to improve your chances to find the right man for you.

One option is to drive an old piece of junk (or at least a very old car). This car will then fail you at the most critical moment leading you to a series of event that will cause you to find romance. This car is usually an old heirloom that belonged to your mother or father who is now dead. It helps if you give this ancient mean of transportation an endearing name like “Old faithful”, “Steadfast” or “Betty”.

If you don’t have an old car, then be sure to get a Mini. It seems to be an unwritten law that any romantically successful woman drives a Mini. Sometimes you can get away with a Subaru or a VW Beetle, but Mini is the safe bet. Drive one of those and you’re sure to find love.

Regardless of gender though an antique red pickup truck with wheels with white walls is a sure hit too. They seem to be very common. A suspiciously minded person would think that it’s the one and same vehicle that they ship all over to promote romance.

Music

If you have a music interest and want to become a star to increase your romantic chances you're in luck. But what to play? Well, there are no doubts here. Country music is the shit. At least romantically. Almost all musicians that have succeeded romantically in my stodies have played county. The domination of this genre when it comes to romance is ear deafening.

Maybe you can get away with classical music. To be a celebrated musician in this area have proven to work a few cases.

Other genres seems to be dead in the water. Pop music maybe but forget hardrock and death metal.

Computers and mobiles

Computers are frequently used to send romantic messages, register on dating services or talk about your love interests with your best friend. It can also be an important tool to find out more about your love interest. The computer should preferably be an Apple laptop if you want to succeed with romance. But be sure to cover the Apple logo on the lid with some sort of sticker! A visible apple on the lid seems to ruin it all.

Mobile phones on the other hand are miserable contraptions set on making your life hard. When you need it the most there´s no coverage resulting in a serious set of misunderstandings. The case studies seem to indicate that at least North America has an underdeveloped mobile network with large areas uncovered, specially in small towns and popular resorts. And even if you have coverage, you will soon experience that just when you received your romantic interests contact information in your phone it will be crushed in an accident, or you will drop it in some liquid. But even if this makes you mad, don’t despair, you will soon find that these mishaps leads to some unexpected romance.

Physical interaction

In the beginning of a romance there are some physical interactions that you can use to check whether you’re on the right track or not.

To get things started you can try to bump into the other person. Preferably this should be done carrying some sort of food or drink that you can spill over her/him. This is a sure way to make her/him notice you and the following conversation can be used to establish contact and even change phone numbers. At least they will remember you the next time you’ll meet. On the other hand, if the person starts yelling at you and threaten to sue then you can probably forget any future romance.

Another thing you can try is to smear dirt on your face. If the other person endearingly offers to wipe your face clean this is a very good sign. There is nothing more romantic than having another person clean your face. If they just point out that your face is dirty and start to laugh at you or just totally ignores it, then you should probably try to find romance elsewhere.

Now here is a trick that can be used by women only (don’t ask me why): Making sure that the other person is close, climb a ladder or a chair and then fall. This gives the other person an opportunity to catch your fall and get really close and look into your eyes. You should act a bit awkward here, but the romance is on its way. If, on the other hand, he lets you fall to the ground this will probably hurt you, both physically and romantically.

Professions

There’s a wide range of professions represented in my studies, and most have representatives of both genders. But there’s some gender specific differences too. But of course, you will be interested in what profession you should be in to have the best chance of finding romance. I will mention the most common ones here.

Chef

Now here’s a profession with great potential. As a man this is by far the best profession to chose if you want to find romance. But also for women this profession is the fourth most successful. Being an ambitious cook gives you great opportunities in the kitchen. Impress your romantic interest with your culinary skills and make your struggling restaurant a blinding success and romance will follow.

Reporter/Writer

If you write for a publication, be it as a reporter, columnist or other, there’s a high chance you’ll find romance. Specially if you are a woman (shared top notation), but this too works well if you’re a man.

While out working you will find your romance in the story you’re assigned. There’s a high risk that you will hurt your romantic interest with your writing. Your editor will most probably publish the draft you sent before you realized how much you cared for the subject. You will then have to do some serious groveling to patch up the situation, but it will turn out well in the end.

Event planner/Wedding planner

Now this is a profession if you are a woman (shared top notation). To plan festivities, parties, weddings or business events offers plenty of chances for romance. There will most certainly be a dashing client to fall for, or you will be forced to work with some obnoxious son to a client that will turn out to be the best man you’ve ever met.

As mentioned above (see WEDDINGS), to be a wedding planner will give you unexpected opportunities. To have to work with an obnoxious brother to the groom or some reluctant venue owner will suddenly turn your world upside down. And watch out for that groom, maybe there won’t be a wedding after all. (Well, if you don’t count your own).

Marketing

Here’s another profession that works for both men and women, but mostly for women. There’s of course many different ways to find romance here. But one good method is to get upset about your company’s questionable marketing strategies and quit. Then you go and find some small town with a struggling business, preferably with a handsome struggling business owner. You can then, with your marvelous marketing skills, save the business and win the owner’s heart. Feel free to improvise on this theme.

Lawyer

This might come as a surprise to some, but the law offers some nice romantic opportunities. This is also a profession that works well for both men and women. Be sure to work for a noble cause though. Nobody loves an ambulance chaser but if you fight for the right of the under privileged, specially if you do it pro bono, romance will follow. Strangely enough even divorce lawyers find romance.

Interior designer/Architect

These, related, professions gives you plenty of chances to find romance. Working on a rebuild or fixing up houses will soon put you in contact with promising potentials. Have a look out for the people you have to work with. If you’re a woman and chose interior design try to get on a TV-show fixing up houses. You will most probably be paired with someone that will turn out to be the love of your life.

Other professions

As I mentioned above there’s several different professions represented in my studies, and I could go on here for a long time. But I will keep it short and just mention some other professions that are well represented among the successful romances studied.

Women: Shop owner, photographer, author, designer, doctor, teacher and radio/television/pod host.

Men: Shop owner, author, prince, doctor, teacher, business owner, craftsman/carpenter and soldier.

Suspicious findings

I would not be honest if I didn’t admit that there are some suspicious findings in all these studies. I don’t want you to start doubting the advices but I’ll leave it up to you to decide.

Serial romancers?

It is impossible to not notice that some persons figures in several cases. Now, this might either indicate several failed relationships and even marriages or we’re dealing with imposters or bigamists. Unfortunately, the later is more plausible as they seem to operate under pseudonyms. This behavior doesn’t seem to be gender specific but is as common amongst women as amongst men. Although this behavior seems to be unsettlingly widespread, I have to point out that many persons just figures once in all these cases. So, some success must be true.

Fortunately, I have been able to find their real names with some digging on the internet. Here are the most notorious perpetrators:

Andrew W. Walker - 24 romances
Lacey Chabert - 21 romances
Corey Sevier - 20 romances
Cindy Busby - 19 romances
Danica McKellar - 17 romances
Jen Lilley - 17 romances

And these are only those that has been found in more than 15 cases. The total list is longer, but these are the worst.

Optical illusions?

There are some suspicious scenery examples too. For example, many cases I’ve studied takes place in small towns around North America. It’s very common with scenes from streets and houses. In wintertime they seem to drive snowmobiles everywhere. If they film a street there’s always a snowmobile that crosses the street down at the next crossing. Maybe it’s not that suspicious as such but that they always cross in the same direction, at the same distance in the same weather and the driver always wears the same clothes. It's not normal if you ask me.

Another example is the case that takes place at a big department store in the USA and when they film outside I could swear that it was NK on Hamngatan in Stockholm, Sweden. Interesting to see NK has it’s twin in the USA and that they even erected a copy of the glass monument at Sergels torg.

Someone with a conspiratorial mind would think that they fill out the cases with archival film bits. But that can’t be true, can it?

Former partners

Now this is where it gets really weird. In a substantial number of cases the new romantic interest is your old boyfriend or girlfriend. Was there no viable reason why you parted in the first place? Why should another go be any different? Even if this seems to be very common I would strongly advice against it.

In these cases there’s also frequently an aunt or even your mother or father (if any of them is still alive) that encourage you to rekindle the old romance. This irritates you strongly but still you go along. Don’t. Shout no, hit them in the face and go somewhere else and find true romance.

The end?

In many of the cases I’ve seen the study ends with the first kiss. So, we cannot be sure that there will be a happy ever after. Admittedly some cases indicate this but in many we truly do not know. And as you can read under Serial romancer above there are other indications as well. In any case I wish you good luck in your search for true and everlasting romance. If you should fail just start from the top again.

*) I might underscore at this point that this document is filled with irony and should not be taken literary.